Why Harry Should Never Get Drunk with Draco

Pairing: Harry/Hermione/Padma, Draco/Seamus

Rating: G

Summary: Harry gets drunk and buys something that he shouldn’t. HIs wives are not impressed.

Author’s note: Written for Harmony & Co’s Threesome Thursday Drabble Event.


The worst thing about having two wives was that they hardly ever let him get away with anything. Hermione always joked that this was his payback for getting away with so much during their years at Hogwarts. Harry, personally, didn’t think that he had gotten away with all that much at Hogwarts, but then Hermione would simply point towards his father’s invisibility cloak and give him that look she always got when she knew she was right and there was nothing that he could do about it.

Harry was unashamed to admit that that look turned him on. His first wife was bossy and smart, and he loved her more for it.

Padma hadn’t known them that well at Hogwarts, but she wouldn’t let him get away with anything either. She was even a little worse about it because Hermione would just get mad and lecture him on his stupidity. Padma would give him the watery brown eyes that told him that he had somehow disappointed her. That look killed him every time.

That was why he just knew that his latest shenanigan was going to get him into a lot of trouble with his two wives.

It was all Draco’s fault, of course.

The ferret had gotten him drunk and they had ended up making the decision that it was perfectly fine to buy what they bought. Harry hadn’t been sure at first, but Dragon had convinced him.

After all, puppies were cute and all, but they were a lot of work to take care of. Even as spoiled as Dudley Dursley had been, he’d never been trusted with a puppy (thank Merlin). But Draco had been insistent that their spouses would be impressed and happy with new additions to their families.

Harry had no doubt that Draco’s husband Seamus would be perfectly happy with a little bundle of adorable fur. Draco had Seamus tied around his little finger – truly the two men were seriously disgustingly cute, as Hermione often said.

His own wives, however, were more unlikely to be impressed with Harry’s impulse purchase. He also knew from experience that blaming Draco for it wouldn’t get him anywhere. Hermione would just shake her head and tell him he needed to accept responsibility for his own actions and Padma would smirk at him and tell him that he was being an idiot.

Harry stumbled through the floo, the little golden retriever in one arm and his wand in his other. He cleaned them both of ashes from the floo – something that was usually easy but this time took him four tries because of his drunkenness – and then he stumbled his way into the living room of the little house that he had bought when he and Hermione had married Padma three years before. He loved the little house and he knew both his wives enjoyed the space as well. They all knew that when children came along they’d make the move to Potter Manor, but for now, the cozy two bedroom home was just right for the three of them.

Hopefully, adding a fourth with fur wasn’t going to make his wives too upset.

He found his wives cuddled up together on the sofa, each predictably, reading a book. He took a moment to admire their beauty and the serenity of the moment. Hermione had her head in Padma’s lap, one of her favorite positions, while Padma ran her fingers through Hermione’s curly locks.

The damn puppy gave him away sooner than Harry had hoped.

Hermione’s head popped up off of Padma’s lap and she gazed at him. Her eyes immediately narrowed and she sprung up off the sofa, causing the blanket that had been covering her to fall to the floor. She almost stalked towards him.

“Harry…” She drawled out.

“Hey, Mia,” Harry said, his face splitting into a happy grin.

“Is that…a puppy?” Padma asked as she came up and stood by Hermione, who had already placed her hands on her hips.

“Uh…no?” Harry responded hopefully. He really needed to lay off the heavy liquor.

Hermione rolled her eyes. “Harry, even drunk you aren’t that dumb. Now, why do you have a puppy.”

“Because he’s cute, Hermione,” Harry said, his tone making it seem like it was the most obvious answer to the question, which for him it was.

“Well, what’s his name?” Padma asked. She had reached forward and had started petting the little guy’s head, which had made the puppy start kicking in Harry’s arms. His second wife stepped closer and took the little ball of fur into her own arms. “You’re right, Harry, he is really cute.”

“His name is…uh…I don’t remember his name,” Harry said, confused. He ran his hand through his hair and tried to remember what the pet shop had named the dog.

Hermione huffed. “Of course, you don’t remember his name. Now, explain again why you bought a puppy!”

“It was Draco’s fault,” Harry blurted. Hermione was mad, and he didn’t want her that way. There was a puppy in the room. Shouldn’t that soothe her anger? Who could be mad when there was a puppy around?

“Harry, I love you dearly, but you are being an idiot again,” Padma said with a smirk. “You know blaming it on your best mate will not help you.”

Harry’s shoulder’s slumped. But then he looked up at his first wife with a pout on his face. “Can we keep him, Mia?”

Padma turned and faced Hermione as well and held up the cute little puppy. “Yeah, Mia, can we keep him? Harry will take care of him.”

“Huh…wait, what?” Harry blurted out.

Padma just giggled and bumped his shoulder with hers.

Hermione rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. “Fine, but when he does something stupid like bring home a baby dragon next time he gets drunk with Malfoy, I can say I told you so.” With that, she stepped forward and kissed Harry on the cheek then Padma on the lips and then stole the puppy. She giggled as she walked out of the room.

“We’re naming him Professor Wagglesworth!”

Padma followed their wife out of the room with a groan. She looked back at Harry. “We are not letting her name any children!”

Harry stood there in the living room, alone with no puppy, thinking that it was probably a good idea if he never got drunk with Draco again.

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